HUMOR

Barrelhouse Magazine:

"The Tragedy of Karl Malone"

Gaper's Block:

The Critic: Spelt (a review of a fictional band's fictional album)

GhotiMag:

"An Invitation"

Happywoman Magazine:

"Girl's Guide to Cute Heads of State"
"A Very Merry Emas"

Haypenny:

"Earl, the Lonely Lighthouse Keeper, Goes on a Date"
"Earl, the Lonely Lighthouse Keeper, Receives His Annual Report"
"Gut"
"How 'Bout These Kids?"
"Waxing Philosophical"

Kittenpants:

"Observations"

Knowumsayin'? (for some reason the links never printed out so you will have to fill in the blanks on some of these old pieces):

"The Baseball Contraction"
"Class Syllabus, Fall, 2002"
"Living in a State of Alert"
"Sarah Hughes"
"Situation-Appropriate Mad Libs"
"What to Do in Case I Go Missing"
"You Say You Want a Revolution?"

Lost Brain:

"Chantilly Lace: the Long Lost Lyrics, in their Entirety"

McSweeney's Internet Tendency:

"Secrets Revealed During Vh1's 'I Love the '90's'"
"Questions for VH1's "I Love the Eighties" Expert Celebrity Commentators"
"Items from the Neiman Marcus 2002 Christmas Book"
"Terrible Fake Names"
"Actual Headlines from the March InStyle Magazine"
"In Case My New Young-Adult Novel Doesn’t Sell, Here Are My Backup Ideas"

Modern Humorist

"Girl Gone Wild: Highlights from Future Episodes of the Anna Nicole Smith Show"

The Morning News:

"The Arthur Andersen Trial: Not as Boring as it Seems"

Mountain Man Dance Moves: The McSweeney's Book of Lists

In Print: Buy it here!

Opium Magazine

"The Disappointed"
"How Each of the Products in My Shower Caddy Will Affect Our Relationship Dear Boy"
"Occupational Haikus"
"The Rules, II"
"Seven Messes and How to Read Them"
"Small Spaces: A Christmas Story"
"Some Delayed Responses"
"Taxicab Confession"
"Things I Realize I Do Not Miss About College, In Outline Form"
"Three Variations on My Day"

Quality Lit

"Lesser-Known Drinking Games"

Reinventing the World

"A Petition for Truth"
"References"

Sweet Fancy Moses

"Fat: the New Thin"
"Hef and Me"
"Please Help Us Forge the Illusion of Normalcy"
"Tru Love"
"What I'm Thankful For"

Reinventing the World:
"References"

Swift Kicks by David Gianatasio (I wrote the forward)
In Print: Buy it here!

Über:

"Slut, Whore, or Lame-o?" Fan Fiction
"New Internet Acronyms"
"Either/Or"

The Very Best Weblog Writing Ever By Anyone Anywhere In The Whole Wide World, Vol. 1

In Print: Buy it here! I have a bunch of pieces in it.

Yankee Pot Roast:

"The Gradual Decline of the "I Love the..." Sidebars