December 9, 2004
Today is the day to sleep with the windows open.
Steve D. Sounds Off on Holiday Crybabies
Hey there, it's me, Steve D., here to sound off like a bat out of h-e-double-hockey-sticks (I'm talking about hell here, people!). I don't have much time today, unfortunately, as we're having our big holiday party here at the rendering plant at which I toil daily. It's sure to be a lively event, from my co-worker John P.'s annual drink-so-much-eggnog-he-pretends-he's-Rudolph-which-usually-results-in-a-few-broken-limbs hilarity, to that new girl, Jenny T., who is sure to be the object of many angry drunken stares (she knows why). So it's sure to be a fun time, and for yours truly, well, I plan on spending at least fifteen minutes there.You know, speaking of the holidays, for today's topic, I'd like to sound off on those idiots who get depressed around the holidays. You know the types: those morons who complain about not having their family around to be with, or not having enough money to buy the kids what they want from Santa, or people in hospitals. Bunch of dingbats in my book. Everyone knows the holidays are only for people who fit into the following criteria, as expressed here using conditional language: All people who have holidays are:
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