November 19, 2003
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Today is the day to smoke clove cigarettes.

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Rank: Excuses for Not Going to the Gym

  1. The flu/death in family/death of self. Okay, these are pretty good excuses, maybe to the point where they're not really excuses anymore. Downsides: Life is too tough right now to be worrying about the gym, fatty.
  2. That weird guy who always hits on you. Whether he's pestering you at the front desk or 'helpfully' instructing you on your lat pull, that guy always sucks. The last thing you want to do at the gym is be noticed, and this guy just makes things excruciating. Downsides: If you went to the gym enough and just sucked it up, you could punch him really hard eventually.
  3. Nothing good to read/Walkman is out of batteries. What are you going to pay attention as you work, your own thoughts? Give me a break. Stay home and watch TV. Downsides: This brings up the dilemma of whether you should do push ups and sit ups in front of the TV. Don't.
  4. Bad weather. Some people go to the gym or go jogging in snow, rain, freezing weather. Coincidentally, these people are never around for your truly awesome discussions on Paris Hilton or Jay-Z's new album. Downsides: This 'bad weather' excuse doesn't apply to not going to work.
  5. All the good sports bras are in the laundry. Fellas, if you have a hard time picturing the difficulty of this, just imaging that you have to go work out, only without the benefit of oxygen. A little tough, huh? A little painful? You get the idea. Downsides: This means that it's time to do laundry.
  6. The old "I just got my hair cut, colored and blown out." excuse, along with the "I just got my nails done at lunch and I'm going out of town tomorrow" excuse. Downside: unless you're rich, you can't use this all the time.*
  7. "I just had a beer with my dinner. How am I supposed to go to the gym now? Oh well, I'll have another beer and watch 24." Downside: You wonder if a drunken workout might be a better workout.*

    8. *additional entries provided by Claire Weingarden.

 

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