October
1 ,
2003
permanent
link
Rabbit
rabbit.
"Running
Straight for the Queer Guys," in the Chicago Tribune today! Read it while
it's free!
Hey girls. Fembooks suck. You can do better than that! But in
the meantime, do as badly.
Finally, I
am totally editing Opium Magazine this month.
Rank: Drink Garnish Accessories
- The tiny paper umbrella. This is my personal favorite. The care that goes
into them amazes me, from the little designs on the paper to the miniscule
rubber band that props the umbrellas open. Get these in one of your drinks
and it's instant party. Downside: Makes you realize that your life is not
nearly fun enough to warrant one of these umbrellas.
- Miniature plastic animals. These are great. Did you know they make a whole
menagerie? Monkeys, giraffes, dolphins, the works. These are almost more
fun than the drinks themselves, and you have to appreciate a bar that includes
drink decorations that don't even hold garnishes. Downside: Take these home
and they suddenly just look like cheap crap.
- Silly straws. Boy, when was the last time you used one of these? Too long,
I assure you. Downside: You realize that you are increasing the time it
takes to drink your beverage. And your beverage is not usually worth that
fanfare.
- The little plastic sword. My brother and I used to fight over these as
kids and/or have tiny plastic swordfights until our parents told us to stop.
Good times. Downsides: Little plastic pirates are going around unarmed.
- The plastic toothpicks shaped like arrows. These are purely functional,
and only step above the traditional toothpick. Downside: sometimes it feels
like little plastic arrows are going through your heart, doesn't it?
- Any of this stuff.
Whoo! You are crazy! Downside: You are probably about to be married and
in several years you will look upon drinking out of these objects in shame.
As you should.
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All original work on this site is copyright 2002-03, Claire
Zulkey
