September 2,
2004
permanent
link
Today is the day to steal
a shopping cart.
Dr. Luvvie Smalls is in.
Dear Luvvie Smalls,
With the impending arrival of the fight and fuck fest
known as "The Real World: Philadelphia", I have a
question that only you can answer. What is the proper
etiquette for sexual relations when one of the
participants happens to starring in a reality
television show? If I only make out with the drunken
girls I pick up, my boys back home will call me a
pussy. But if I bang every girl I meet, women won't
ever want to learn about the "real" me. HELP!
-Perplexed In Philadelphia
Dear Perplexed,
I happen to subscribe to the Don't Kiss and Tell Unless it's Really Good or
Really Bad school of hooking up. If the session involves hair pulling or
nibbling, someone's going to hear about it. If the session involves a broken
nose or unorthodox use of a floor fan, everyone's going to hear about it. If
the session falls anywhere in between, I'm not going to bore my peeps with
the details.
But alas, when cameras follow you around all day, even the best of rules
have to be defenestrated.
I guess what I've learned in my thirteen years of watching The Real World,
Road Rules and the Real World/Road Rules Challenge is this: It doesn't
matter what you do while you're on the show, the editors will make you
appear how they want you to appear. If you simply kiss a girl goodnight and
you're supposed to be the Rowdy Frat Guy Womanizer Stud of that season, the
editors are going to make it look like you hit it. If you're the Mormon
Virgin Chick from the Backwoods, the editors will edit your sexploits to
help you keep your G-rated image.
I guess the overall rule here is to be true to yourself and keep it real, if
you will. If you want to take a drunken girl home and show her what you
workin' with, do it. If you want to keep it above the waist with said
drunken girl, that's fine, too. You just have to own your decisions. And
their consequences. And if your boys give you beef, remind them that it's
your Real World and they're just living in it.
You got a luv-type question? Email
the Notorious L.U.V.
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