August 11, 2006
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Today is to catch all the college and pro action.
Usually we have interviews on Friday and lists on Tuesday but I've been travelling, so lay off, man. Our regular schedule returns on Monday.
In the meantime, several of my friends have been very upset about the recent FAA regulations forbidden people from bringing gels, liquids and the like onto airplanes. Personally, I don't mind because a.) I'm not flying anytime soon and b.) I'm not a religious water-drinker, so it doesn't matter much to me if I can't bring a bottle on the plane. However, I don't want all of you thirsty people out there to suffer the ignominy of having to wait to get on the plane to drink water, so I've thought of some solutions for you: Stuff your mouth full of ice cubes before you leave the house, so as they melt you can hydrate yourself throughout the morning. You might have to freeze your mouth before you do this so the cubes don't melt too quickly. Before you leave, swallow several condoms 'balloons' filled with water and then tied off. Once you get into the terminal, poop 'em out and drink up. Spit repeatedly into a cup. Enjoy! Promise the security guards that you really, really, really, really aren't a terrorist. Take the train and drink your little heart out as you enjoy a leisurely 20-hour ride from Chicago to New York.