June 8, 2005
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Today is the day to carry a demure little fan.
Dear Mrs. Zulkey.com on Baseball (and Gardening Again)
Dear Mrs. Zulkey.com:
If I might change the subject from gardening
to baseball, I need information from an all-knowing source. Would you please
tell me whether this year I can count on my beloved White Sox to win the pennant?
Back to gardening. Where did all of the chipmunks come from?
The answer,simply, is yes. The Sox (the WHITE
ones) will not only take the pennant, but the series as well. So, book your
flights, make your hotel reservations, save all your programs.
However, being Chicago baseball (American League) fans, we are not to speak
of it. Not even to one another. It's a rule in this town. We have to pretend
we're not even noticing that we have the best
record in all of baseball. We have to pretend we're sympathetically interested
in the curses, mishaps, maladies, tragedies and gosh-darn bad luck which continue
to plage the north siders. We have to pretend that Comiskey Park (sic) is
a dangerous, violent place, so that only our supersecret society of hooligan
fans attend. We have to pretend we only buy Sox tickets because we can't afford
scalper's prices to get us into Wrigley Stadium. We have to pretend we can
sing "Take Me Out fo the Ballgame" all by ourselves. We have to
pretend we only stay until the end of the game in order to enjoy the fireworks
display afterwards. We have to pretend only one team in this city has been
going through a a little dry spell lately. I'm counting on you to keep our
Code. If you see me at the game--you don't know me.
Please destroy this message after you read it.
PS The chipmunks come from Canada. The French-speaking regions. I blame NAFTA.
Go Sox.
Mrs. Zulkey.com is my mom and latest advice columnist. Ask her a question and she will answer. She recently broke 90 in her golf game. She might also make you a fancy salad but will not make you any cookies.
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