May 24, 2006
permanent
link
Today is the day to use a
light touch.
While I was staying in Paducah, KY last weekend, I saw the following
ad in an "About Paducah" magazine:
Everyone does
love a clown, so I looked into scheduling SuSu to clown around or just
stand around at my next party or event. I hear she's very entertaining. However,
I was shocked by some of the demands on her rider:
- SuSu will stand for no more than five minutes at a time. She must be provided
an oxygen tent for her 'breaks'
- Oxygen tent must be provided with curly straws, a bottle of chilled Cristal,
Diptyque candles and IMPORTANT ONLY WHITE FLOWERS ONLY NO COLORED FLOWERS
WILL BE TOLERATED
- Prior to performance, do not look Susu in the eye.
- DO NOT!
- Do not offer SuSu candy or else she will follow you home seeking more
candy.
- Do not ask SuSu for a ride home: her car is full of 20 other clowns already.
- Do not taunt SuSu
- Ensure that no ill is spoken of the Lord Jehovah in SuSu's presence
- Do not ask SuSu to reveal her clowning secrets. These are trade secrets
and are not to be revealed to anyone, no matter how young or ill.
- Do not touch SuSu. SuSu may only touch you.
- Do not ask SuSu about her suspenders.
- SuSu must be supplied with an ounce of good coke and some strippers ranked
at least an 8 or 9 after each performance.
- Remember: SuSu loves you.
