April 23, 2007
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Today is the day to be peaceful and nice.
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I just want to warn everyone that this blog will probably not exist by the time summer comes, because I will have turned into a lizard, or a fish, or possibly just a cell.
This weekend I watched a show I had Tivo'd called "Flavor of Love Girls: Charm School Starring Mo'Nique." I didn't watch "Flavor of Love," the spin off of a spin off of a 'celebreality' TV show, but the promos for this show looked cute, and I wanted in. I figured that the creators of the show would make it easy for newbies like me by explaining who these various Flavor of Love girls were.
They did, thankfully. These girls are spitting, eye-rolling, weave-pulling, finger-twirling, "aw HELL naw" and "this is some BULLSHIT" variations of each other, a beautiful melting pot of divas and babymammas of all colors. Basically, what the show is about is taking all the vulgarity and sass out of the women and making them nice, and presentable, or something, and giving $50,000 to the 'winner.' The show is hosted and judged by the comedienne Mo'Nique, author of the book Skinny Women are Evil!, which I happen to own for research purposes (seriously.)
The first episode was pretty boring, however. The girls arrive at the standard mansion that Vh1 shows are taped in, and we see flashbacks to their rowdier days. Then, Mo'Nique strips them of their former Flava Flav-granted nicknames like "Buckwild" and "Bootz" and "Pumkin" and "Hottie" (except for a girl named Saaphyri, because she never got a nickname.Then they have to go camping. Yawn.
My favorite of the girls are Buckwhile (Becky), "the blackest white girl alive," who is clearly a dorky girl with an endearingly nerdy laugh beneath her keepin' it real exterior. I also like Goldie (Courtney), because she's funny, and Hottie (Schatar) because of her ridiculous Paris Hilton weave and the sound effect of a bicycle bell ringing the producers put in every time she blinks her big cartoon eyes.
I was planning on deleting the episode, never to watch again, but then I was shown a preview of the entire season, which showed the promise of much more hair-pulling, boob-squeezing, screaming and slapping than I was given in this debut episode. So I set to record the next episode.
We'll see how it goes. As I watched this show I could feel on the sides of my neck a protuberance, which I assumed was a pair of gills returning from my pre-human days. The bottom of my back itches, and I think it's my prehensile tail growing back. I'm obviously devolving, thanks to the TV I'm watching, so if I'm still watching "Charm School" by the end of the season, please make sure you just provide me with an a nice terrarium and a piece of lettuce, and put the tank in front of the TV while you're at it.
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