April 2, 2007
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Today is the day to play ball.

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As most women know, it's not necessarily how much you weigh but how you carry your weight. As we all know from Jennifer Lopez's lead, for instance, a little extra fat in the butt area can be more appealing than carrying it, say, in the thighs. Bigger boobs or hips may be more appealing than a fat stomach or fat face. Then there is crocodile fat, often signified by a chomping around the hips and thrashing around the calves. While it's not a typically voluptuous look, it's preferable to chimpanzee chubby, which involves a distended stomach and extra pair of dangling feet hanging off the thighs. It's not popular in America but it's cherished in other countries. Then there's "shark thick," which is a dramatic form of overweight, when the woman's skin is often bleeding due to contact with rough skin, extra, pointy flesh around the breasts and often spare teeth falling to the ground. A lot of women would rather be 50 pounds overweight than be shark-thick, although according to some stereotypes (which I don't dignify here), men of a certain race tend to find sexy. If you're going to be socially acceptably overweight, though, I think the best way to go is with "kitty blubber": the woman features a layer of squirming, mewing fat around the midsection, but it's pretty cute.

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