March 30, 2005
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The Literalism Police Attack: March
You know the saying "In like a lion, out like a lamb" that allegedly describes the month of March? Well it is the end of March and here in Chicago, the weather is markedly different from where we began. But that still doesn't mean the saying makes any sense. Let us break it down.
Here are the characteristics of a lion vs. a lamb:
Lion: hairy, stinky, meat-eating, maned, big, roaring.
Lamb: quiet, possibly dirty, hooved, wooly
Can any of these adjectives describe March, either at the beginning of the end? Let's see. Possibly dirty, since late winter is kind of muddy. Stinky? That's purely circumstance. Roaring: Only if it's very windy. Obviously, that's not enough to compare the month to those two.
Now, let's see what March is actually like:
Beginning of March: Cold, wet, icky
End of March: Lovely, warm, good-smelling, sunny
What's something that's cold, wet, and icky? I initially said "a baby," but babies I guess are actually warm, not cold. So I went with a damp towel. Now, what's something that's lovely, warm, good smelling, etc? Obviously: me!
So, if you prefer that all your sayings be 100% factually correct, let's stick with this in the future:
March: In like a wet rag, out like Claire Zulkey.
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