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February 4 , 2004
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Today is the day to dance with an octopus.

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Rank: Ways of Being a Bad Roommate

Play "Guess who called?" Leaving messages is so boring. When your roommate returns, play a fun game wherein you tell them that somebody called, give them a roundabout idea of how important the person is, and have them guess who it was. Be sure not to tell them who it was unless they guess correctly. It'll be great! Downside: This can be boring for you after a while, so feel free to leave the house while your roommmate continues to guess.

Try on your roommate's favorite outfit, forget to take it off when you go to the gym. One of the great things about having roommmates is all the stuff you can share. Why buy, for instance, a cashmere sweater when your roommate's is just sitting there, unused, while he/she is out of the house? I'm sure they'd be happier knowing their stuff is being used. Plus, you can get some exercise and look great at the same time. Downside: Cashmere gets really hot sometimes.

Wash the floors with bacon grease. Do your share of the housework for once and clean that grimy kitchen floor. Instead of using the recommended Swiffer cleaning solution, though, why don't you use the leftover fat from breakfast? The result will smell great, be extra shiny and be fun to slide around on. Downside: Depending on the size of your kitchen, this may involve making a lot of bacon, although is that ever really a bad thing?

Build a fire in the coat closet. Part of being a good roommate is doing unexpected nice things for your fellow housemate. On a chilly day, nothing beats a roaring good fire, but it sucks if you don't have a fireplace. A little gasoline and a match and you have a nice toasty blaze in the coat closet. Plus, this is a great way to get rid of all the old junk that you've been dreading cleaning out in spring. Downside: You may want to open a window to let some smoke out.

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