It's Not Me, It's You
I had to regulate yesterday at the dog park. A couple came in and had a seat in the sunshine and their husky trotted off, and as dogs are wont to do, took a poop in the corner of the park. The couple had no idea this was going on since its back was to the dog. The #1 rule at Puptown is that "Puptown is not Pooptown": IE pick up after your dog. I had a few choices: let some other, less important person than myself or the dog's owners pick up the poop, pick up the poop myself or be an asshole. Since it was a nice sunny day I decided to be an asshole. "Do you own the husky?" I asked them. They said yeah. "It just pooped over there," I said and pointed. "Oh..." the guy said and went to go pick it up. Then I sat down with my husband and for fifteen minutes rationalized what I did to make myself feel like I wasn't actually in the wrong. "I mean if they don't pick it up someone else is going to have to, right?" I asked. "Right," Steve said robotically. "Quit worrying about it." I thought about some way to try and temper the situation, to make some joke but I couldn't think of any that wouldn't sound shrill and guilty. "I mean, ha ha, Ii was going to do it, but why would I do that? That's disgusting, and so are you! Ha ha."
I was still recovering from an earlier bout of assholism earlier in the day. I was at the gym and some lady was walking around, working out IN HER SOCKS. Just doing some weights, going on the treadmill, you know, all the things you do at the gym while wearing gym shoes. I occasionally have foot issues (IE this is an extremely sensitive time of year for me as people start wearing their sandals without taking into consideration that their feet have been hibernating for seven months and could maybe use a little clean-up) and one issue for me is people who opt to wear their socks around the gym, freely dispersing their foot sweat everywhere they go. Why would you want do to this, anyway? Don't you want to keep your socks nice and clean?
It was, as Christian Bale would say, f'ing distracting. Some gym management guy though soon went up to the lady and told her to put some goddamn shoes on. She seemed surprised by this, probably because she was insane, but she put her clogs back on and went out. As I left the gym I heard one manager say to the other "What's our policy on wearing shoes at the gym?" and like a jerk I butted in and said "Oh I saw that lady upstairs without her shoes on and I was like 'Ew gross.' I'm glad someone told her to put her shoes on." They stared at me, probably because I am insane.
I got mine today this morning, though. I was carrying in my lunch today to the office and apparently the container started to leak on the floor while I was waiting for the elevator. A security guy came up to me with some paper towels and I dutifully wiped up my omelet juice/food condensation that was on the floor. Yes, I am just as disgusting as everyone else, probably moreso.