The Great Bedbug Infestation of 2007
I don't really have any specific commentary about this that is hilarious mostly because, well, I don't know if there needs to be.
There is an infestation of bedbugs in my apartment building: I got a notice about this earlier this summer, with demands that the next night I strip my beds, put my sheets in garbage bags, and place the box spring and mattress up against the wall for inspectors. I was kind of peeved at this request partially because I had just washed my sheets and made the bet and also, despite popular opinion, I am kind of small and figured that moving the bed around would be a hard task. After some people telling me how disgusting and awful and infuriating bedbugs are, though, I complied.
AT THIS POINT I SHOULD NOTE IN ALL CAPITAL LETTERS THAT NO BEDBUGS WERE FOUND IN MY APARTMENT.
Not that there would be anything wrong with it if there were. I have read about how bedbugs are sweeping the city of New York and how the little a-holes tend to travel, and are not actually a sign of squalor. In fact, one of the most anal-retentive and neat people I know happened to get bedbugs after travelling and ended up having to get new sheets, a new mattress, everything, so I know that they're not a sign of personal weakness.
Then a month or so later I had received a notice that the sprayers were coming 'sometime' during these two weeks in June. Of course the guy showed up a week that I had taken off work and had houseguests. Of course I was in my pajamas working off a late night and one of my houseguests was in the shower. And he didn't want to come back later. I told my friend to stay in the bathroom for a few extra minutes and he did his work. He said something very reassuring though which I will also type in all caps:
"OH, I REMEMBER THIS APARTMENT. YEAH YOU'RE CLEAN."
So I'm happy. I also feel like since the great wasp sting of 2007, there is an equilibrium between the insects of the world and me. I have not been exempt from any plight, but I think that means that, fingers crossed, the bugs have spoken to each other and said "She's been through enough: leave her alone."
Anyway, a few days ago I got another notice, this time saying that "specially trained bug sniffing dogs" are going to be going through the building. Allegedly they have a 97% accuracy rating. Also, the guy who signed the letter giving information on how to prepare for the dogs (crate your own pets, remove anything poisonous and or dog food from the floors) is named Jose "Pepe" Peruyero and his website is called pepedogs.com which I find incredibly cute for some reason.
I'm a little tempted to find out exactly when they're coming and take the day off to see how this works. This is partially out of the curiosity of seeing the dogs do their business, and partially for the curiosity of seeing an animal in my apartment (our building is cats-only and I don't really do cats.) Also, we put our family dog to sleep earlier this year so it would be nice to have a pet even if it's only for 10 minutes and he's sniffing for bugs the whole time.
I just hope they don't find my heroin.